All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Capernaum and Tarsus

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Happy feast of Sts. Peter and Paul (once again)!

Without ever intending to, I have somehow grown to appreciate these two in such a big way. I have come to know more about myself in studying both of these ideal disciples.

Being the person who I am, Paul seemed much more influential to me during the beginning of my Christian conversion. It’s probably not very difficult to understand why, as that was his mission, to evangelize. Like Paul, I pursued academia in spite of Christianity, intent to prove its ridiculousness. But even almost 2,000 years after his death, Paul’s words are still being used by the Holy Spirit to work miracles and convert hardened hearts.

“I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone. . .” (Here I Am, Lord, Daniel Schutte, liturgical musician, based on Isaiah 6).

After the hardest part of my conversion, for conversion is always on-going, Peter’s example and leadership is more relatable for me. Once you believe, how do you respond?  And how do you continually sustain your belief and love? Rather than studying the words of men, I instead try to study the words of God and his faithful.

This morning, as I was driving to work and praying the fifth sorrowful mystery, the Crucifixion, I noticed my mind drifting to other matters, even negative matters (such as the relatively rude driver who cut me off). When I caught myself, I felt sorrowful that I take for granted the purpose of the exercise of reciting the Most Holy Rosary. I felt like my heart had turned to stone. I felt like I needed the Eucharist, at least to see it and adore it and break the concrete shell around my heart.

Ironically, I aspire now to be more like Peter. I know I will make mistakes, as he did (and as Paul did, too), but my once-wild heart no longer seeks the adventures of a bustling commotion of debate (represented by Tarsus) as much as the quiet trust-in-God call of continual conversion (represented by Capernaum).


Written by Written Straw

June 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

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