All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Down and out

with 4 comments


This week has been a particularly trying one.  I feel defeated.  It seems like, at the moment, my efforts for many aspects are off-target or in vain.

All week I have been starring in very responsible roles, from being in the court room and losing a case, to coordinating a lowly attended Mass, being confronted about my sins, being late for mentoring, and publishing a rewritten blog.  It seems I failed at all of these this week.

I haven’t felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide in a long while. It’s how I’m feeling now.  Sometimes, I just want someone else to take the reins for a bit because my hands are blistered from the fire.  But for these, no one else can share the responsibility.  And all I’m left with is a huge helping of humility.

On the brighter side, for the first time in several years, I am getting a tiny bit of a refund on my 2010 taxes.  That’s a big sigh of relief, not because I’m getting money back, but rather because I had no idea how I would pay for any large sum that I might owe. 

Divorce exposes the financial instability that almost all of us have.  Marriage seems to hide it and I haven’t figured out why.  I’ve been faring very well on my own without the extra income that marriage once provided and yet I find myself more worried about finance than I ever did during marriage.  I suppose that a second income felt like a faux security net.

Meanwhile, I’m still job hunting.  I had another interview but it’s been so long (nine years) since I’ve been on the interviewing circuit, I forget how to read people and takes cues.  I have absolutely no idea how I did.  Was I too honest about my weaknesses?  Am I supposed to sugar coat the truth or maybe give it a booster when it’s lacking dazzle? What does that mean?

Some people say that they have a grudge against God because He doesn’t answer their prayers.  But He does indeed answer them.  Sometimes, He just says, “Not now,” or, “I have something better for you.” 

I am certain that I will appreciate all of this later. Right now, though, the going is tough.

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Written by Written Straw

January 29, 2011 at 4:23 pm

4 Responses

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  1. be encouraged, friend 🙂 i stumbled upon your post with a tag search for “marriage” and will remind you that you are always loved by our Father. Romans 8:28 says all things work together for our good, even when we can’t see!

    kelliwillard

    January 29, 2011 at 5:04 pm

  2. Hang in there, Erica. I know very well what you are going through. My prayers are with you and I know you will come through it better than ever.

    Kathy Christy

    January 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    • Thanks, Kathy. I know you know. Sometimes it just has to rain to let the flowers bloom bigger and brighter.

      Written Straw

      January 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm


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