All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Mother is such a lovely word

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Last night I got to spend a beautiful hour in Eucharistic Adoration after spending a day of fasting. I can’t quite express the inner joy I found from this.  It really let me focus, particularly on my absent mother.

Yesterday was the 23rd anniversary of the death of my mother. My sister reminded me that our mother is (hopefully) looking down on us from heaven.  It made me reflect on what my mother would think of me now. What she would think of my sister.

Sometimes it’s very surreal to me that I still shed a tear or two for a woman who I barely knew for eight years of my life (only three of which I am capable of remembering).  I can’t recall her voice or what she said ever.  I don’t know what her victories were or what her sins were. I cannot judge her, as most children do.  I can only pray fervently that God forgave her for whatever. I know she must have loved me incredibly because I was born and I was not neglected.

So 23 years later, I imagine what I would say if I met her on the streets of the new Jerusalem.  I am at a loss for words.  For many years as an adolescent, I struggled with anger, as if it were her fault.  But what do teenagers know? Still, I am sad that she’s a stranger to me. That had such an impact on my identity and how I identify family.  At the same time, I am somehow humbled and grateful for the experience I’ve had, that I’ve had the unique opportunity to have so many “mothers,”  including  my father, and most importantly, the Blessed Mother.

By praying with the Blessed Mother, I am shown how a mother loves her child, protects her child, takes joy in her child, mourns her child and rejoices with her child.  Through the Christ, I am shown how a child loves his mother, embraces his mother, and ultimately honors his mother.

There is no sentiment I have that is not understood. 

Miss you, mom.


Written by Written Straw

January 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm

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