All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Bittersweet Nostalgia

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It’s funny what you remember about your ex-husband. We’ve been separated for over a year (divorced almost a year) and the things I remember about him are strange. I am not sure why he’s been popping into my memory this past week but someone once told me that when people randomly pop into your thoughts, it’s a good time to pray for them.

I actually haven’t given up praying for him. I don’t dwell on him or anything like that. Now that I’ve made my peace with the past and have been dating someone, finding pleasant memories of him just seems strange and out-of-place. But I suppose it’s meant to be that way. There’s been a lot of lessons I’ve had to learn over the last year and a half, so it’s quite nice, really, to remember what went right.

There used to be things that the ex did that were quirky-but-cute and then turned annoying over the years. He used to blatantly fib. It used to annoy the heck out of me because he knew I already knew the truth. For example, he’d deny that he was smoking a cigarette in the bathroom (or blame the cat) when there was still an extinguished butt floating in the toilet since it didn’t quite flush. I never could figure out why he is like that. I don’t really miss that aspect at all, but sometimes I wonder if it was perhaps a form of affection on his part. Either way, I suppose I got used to it. It became a little like his trademark.

I suppose I miss his silliness a bit. He was always good at making me laugh. But I never felt very loved. That is what is essential for me to remember. Every relationship should have laughter, but love must be at the core.

It’s also good to see how I’m changing myself, particularly in my newest relationship. I can certainly see that I am much more honest and open about my own feelings and what I want. It’s a bit scary at times, though, because it seems that I would push him away (especially considering all of my Catholicism). But, lo and behold!, he stays and he even goes to church with me. I’m still figuring out how I managed to catch that kind of man?

To that success, I can only be thankful for my ex-husband. I’m sad that I get to reap the rewards now because of hard-learned lessons from him. Yet that just goes to justify, once again, that good always overcomes bad.

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Written by Written Straw

October 7, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Posted in Life

Tagged with , , ,

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