All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

My Gift

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What I cherish and what I take. . . and what I’d give for what I forsake.

Yesterday (September 8) was the birthday of the beloved mother of Christ.  Prior to this, I had a serious bout of self-reflection when discussing the sacrament of confession with a nun and about how I’m lacking contriteness about something in my own life.

She gave me a good pointer:  confess it even if I’m a little bit sorry for it.  Sometimes it’s a trick of the evil one that prevents us from seeking forgiveness.

I’m not usually one to point fingers at anyone but myself for my own shortcomings, especially not “the devil” of all things.  But it is rather uncanny for me to feel so uncertain about it.  She gave me a prayer to say when kneeling in adoration or in front of a crucifix:

“Behold, O kind and most sweet Jesus, I cast myself upon my knees in Your sight, and with the most fervent desire of my soul I pray and beseech You that You would impress upon my heart lively sentiments of Faith, Hope and Charity, true repentance for my sins and a firm purpose of amendment, while with deep affection and grief of soul I ponder within myself and mentally contemplate Your five most precious wounds, having before my eyes that which David spoke in prophecy of You, O good Jesus: they have pierced my hands and feet, they have numbered all my bones.”

I read these words and suddenly a wave of tears flooded over me.  I sobbed uncontrollably for 20 straight minutes.  I plan to seek reconciliation this weekend and have been in deep contemplation all week for it.  And if it is “a trick of the evil one,” rest assured that there is one thing he hates only second to God and Christ:  Mary and her fiat.  She is the new Eve, the bringer of the new convenant, of our salvation.

My graces may be short-lived.  I admit, I have a selfish life.  When I am not able to receive the Eucharist, I find myself constantly seeking time for Adoration, just to be near Him.  A few minutes late in the evening sometimes quenches my hunger for Him.  But nothing is as satisfying as the Bread of Life.  So even if for a short time, I will seek Him out.  And though I may (and most likely will) commit my sins again, there is always Hope.  As the sister said, “He understands our intentions, He knows our hearts.”  It felt so good to feel so sorry.  I can’t think of a better gift to give in honor of the Blessed Mother Mary’s birthday than reconciliation with her Son.

Please keep praying for me.

Written by Written Straw

September 9, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Posted in Catholic, Faith

Tagged with , , , ,

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