All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Adjusting and Mother’s Day

with 4 comments

I’ve been reflecting more.  On Friday, I found myself in quite a foul mood and I couldn’t put my finger on why.  I thought it might be Mother’s Day that was getting at me a bit (sometimes it happens), but that’s not really it.  I think it has more to do with adjusting.

This was my first full week in my new apartment.  It’s a concrete symbol of my single life. It’s just me now (and the cats and dog).  My ex came over to my place on Thursday to help set up some technical stuff.  It was strange seeing him here.  I think that’s when the bad mood set in.  It wasn’t him that put me in a bad mood–things are ok between us.  It was just the realization that he was a stranger in my place.  I had to actually give him directions on how to get there.  And he was mentioning some of the trivialities that he’s having to go through with getting his new place.  I felt a little sad for him and almost sympathetic, but I reminded myself that it was him who wanted this.  I don’t know why, but it felt like goodbye to me.  All of our legal obligations are done.

I advanced him money that he has coming through refunds on bills, escrow, etc. from our house sale.  I went by his parents’ place on Saturday to bring him the cash and ironically, when I knocked on the door, I noticed that there was a USPS notice.  It was a certified letter addressed to my ex from the Diocese.  How uncanny that of all days I would need to knock on that door would be the same day the postal service attempted to deliver a notification to him of my annulment petition.   No one answered, so I left feeling quite awkward having seen that.

I went to a birthday party on Saturday and it was nice to have something to do.  I didn’t really know anyone there but people were friendly and talkative and I thank my friend for inviting me.  I know I wasn’t much of a charmer (after just experiencing the letter notification ordeal), but it really helped to just get out.  Even if it did involve crawfish.

I found an old post card from an ex-boyfriend of mine while I stayed in France.  It was asking me for a second chance.  I recall feeling a little nausea at the thought of it now.  I am still “friends” with the man (limited correspondence on Facebook).  An odd feeling having found this.

So enough whining, right?  What am I going to do about it?  I don’t know, exactly, but I think I need to work more on volunteering again.  When I am of service to others, I feel like I service my soul.  On top of this, I need to seriously pray more.  This last week, I’ve neglected that.  All of this moving business put some of my typical schedule aside, but now I’m more settled in so there isn’t an excuse.

A few great things happened this weekend, though:  I finally slept for more than 5 hours–I got 8.5 hours on Friday and 9 hours on Saturday.  Secondly, it was Mother’s Day.  I know that makes me sad at times, but there’s a few events that made me warm and fuzzy inside.  I found my baby book while going through old bins.  It had pictures of me as a newborn being held by my mother.  I heard a great homily from the priest about mothers, including those who have motherly hearts.  I talked to my sister, who’s expecting her baby any day now.  I attended a crowning of Mary as Mother of God.  Despite my worry about this day, it turned out to be pretty sacred indeed.


Written by Written Straw

May 9, 2010 at 7:40 pm

4 Responses

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  1. that is a tough day for you. grief is so tough. it feels sucky. what do you usually do when you feel sucky? i hope your day got better. i will be praying for your heart.


    May 10, 2010 at 11:23 am

    • Thanks, Tracee–day did get better. When I feel down, I usually do things of service for other people and pray. It puts to good use some of the ill.

      Written Straw

      May 10, 2010 at 11:43 am

    • sorry for the hardship you are experiencing right now. i’m glad you can get some service in. anything in particular?


      May 10, 2010 at 11:49 am

      • I usually do things that allow me to share my talents with others. I teach evening classes of English as a Second Language to immigrants and preparation for US Citizenship classes. Sometimes I take a day from work to volunteer sorting food at the local food bank. I’m looking into mentoring older kids in my community, but I have to go through an application process for that. I also put my communication skills to work by volunteering for my church’s weekly newsletters and I lead the Rosary prayers every Sunday, in hopes that it will be just what someone needs to hear/pray at that time. It seems like a lot, but to me, I don’t understand what the point of life is, if not to serve. “. . . Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for so many.” (Mt. 20:28.

        Written Straw

        May 10, 2010 at 11:56 am

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