All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Trials, Trials, Trials

with 3 comments


It’s downright criminal how difficult it is to avoid sin.  I feel like the harder I try to avoid it, the more tempting it becomes.  I wish I could learn my lesson from this and move on.  I’m trying to see the big picture.  I’m trying to remind myself that I deserve so much more than what sin will offer me.  I’m trying to remind myself that I am loved and missed.

Tonight, my ex-husband brought me dinner at home because he had to help me move a piece of furniture out of the house.  I was glad he did.  I was just reflecting on the importance of meals and how that was so central to our relationship, for better or worse.  We would go out almost every Friday night to new places around the local area.  We were adventurous in that regard.  And I was recollecting this habit to a friend of mine as I drove past one of the restaurants that he and I had splurged at a couple of times.  It was a fancy reservations-required type of restaurant, but so very worth it.  It was just nice to be able to do that.  I miss having people to go out to eat with.  My coworkers and I tend to go out to eat once a week for lunch and I find myself looking forward to that more and more, just for the want of good company.

How long do people have to be apart before they can be as friends? I realize that I can make my own rules here, but I won’t deny that time is an important part of healing.  Still, there are moments when I feel like I want to call my ex-husband up just to have lunch or to catch a movie that I know we’d both really enjoy.  I just don’t know where boundaries are drawn.  And I’m never certain if I feel like I want to call him up because I miss him, because I’m feeling a bit lonely, or because I genuinely want to hang out with him as a friend.  I figure that I haven’t done this yet because I feel that the sheer fact of my uncertainty makes it awkward.  Until I’m sure. . .

When I’m feeling lonely and unloved, though, I find myself frequenting the adoration chapel at my parish.  I’ve been doing it a lot lately! It helps me tremendously.  And though I am still waiting to receive the Eucharist into my body, I am at least absorbing Him into my heart.:

Then one of the elders spoke up and said to me, “Who are these wearing white robes, and where did they come from?”

I said to him, “My lord, you are the one who knows.” He said to me, “These are the ones who have survived the time of great distress; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

“For this reason they stand before God’s throne and worship him day and night in his temple. The one who sits on the throne will shelter them.  They will not hunger or thirst anymore, nor will the sun or any heat strike them.  For the Lamb who is in the center of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to springs of life-giving water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”  (Revelations 7:13-17)

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Written by Written Straw

April 26, 2010 at 10:19 pm

3 Responses

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  1. This quote form Jung reminded me of you: “The more Christian one’s consciousness is, the more heathenishly does the unconscious behave.”

    and I was tempted to say that you need not go so far as your parish to know you are loved. but then, if that were exactly true– if you didn’t need to– then you would not have. but remember you are loved, even if it doesn’t always or immediately feel so.
    it’s no secret I don’t agree with your religious beliefs, but your beliefs do not require me to– nor does my affection for you.

    Sean

    May 2, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    • Jung may have known a thing or two about sin. It’s refreshing to have a few friends who don’t believe as I do. Your challenges keep me on my toes and reinforce my faith. Sometimes I am too weary to ask myself questions, or I forget for a moment where I came from, but it is my truest friends who support me like pillars. They are, I believe, strategically interwoven into my life by God like angels.

      Written Straw

      May 3, 2010 at 12:05 pm

  2. Exceptional webpage. My class mates and I were just discussing this the other night. Also your webpage looks great on my old laptop. Now thats uncommon. Nice work.

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    June 15, 2010 at 3:33 am


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