All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Why Do You Seek the Living One Among the Dead?

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Oh Happy Resurrection!

This Easter Vigil was the greatest of all the Masses in the year!  Having gone through the motions of being brought into communion with the Church, I make it a point to attend the Vigil, when all the new candidates are baptized, confirmed and communed.  It always renews my vigor for my faith.

In my heart, though, I carry the thoughts of my dear friend and sponsor into the Church.  He doubts now and questions even the existence of God.  We joke lightly when we chat with each other–that he forfeited his faith to me and I forfeited my atheism to him when I converted.  But it has really troubled me deeply.  So each Easter Vigil, when I am reminded of his grand gesture by sponsoring me, still very much a stranger, I recall the warmth of his hand as it rested on my right shoulder and he vouched for me as a Catholic. . . to the bishop, the congregation, the Church, to God.  How woeful I feel when I reconnected with him all these years later to find how he no longer feels God.  There isn’t much I can do about that except a lot of praying.  I think the thought of praying for him may repulse him a bit.  But too bad–it’s my choice to do so.  I believe that every soul must desire the truth for itself before a true conversion, or rather reversion, as his case may be, can occur.   If you don’t desire the truth, it cannot be seen.

I also continually pray for the conversion of my ex-husband.  There isn’t much I can do there, either.  But I pray and pray and that’s all I can do for now.

And amazingly, tonight at the Vigil, I was okay with just prayer.  How happy I am when I pray, except when my thoughts distract me.  I am going to make it a goal to deny my self more this year and help others more when I need to.  “He is not my servant, I am His.” 

Also, I learned a little more about the old couple that helps me with the Sunday rosary.  They have been married 45 years and are from the Philipines, immigrating in 1974, and now have five grandchildren.  The woman asked me about my Easter plans and if I had any family.  I smiled when I explained that I was alone in the city.  I surprised myself by that.  Peace is possible, you see.

People often exclaim: “There is no salvation outside of Christ crucified!”  But even that would be meaningless without the Resurrection!

Written by Written Straw

April 3, 2010 at 11:16 pm

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