All That I Have Written Is Straw. . .

Meanderings of a Catholic Devout

Mercy is Forgiveness

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So I followed through on my intention and confessed yesterday.  At first, my heart in my throat, I felt like I wasn’t giving a good confession.  As many times as I have confessed (mind you, I have the heart of a sinner), I never seem to remember the words I am supposed to say.  But when the father, in persona christae, absolved my sins, he was speaking about mercy.  What can I say?  That’s just my theme.

Today, at Mass, I was ever so attentive to the preparations.  I was almost slobbering in anticipation for the Blessed Sacrament.  “The absence of God is Hell.”  But ironically, in the homily, once again, the priest was talking to the children about repentance and the mercy of God.  I needed to hear it.  I needed to be assured that I am forgiven.  God saw to it that I heard Him. 

Lately, I’ve been having mood swings probably because of all these things going on.  I wept a little today, after reflecting on the weekend and forgiveness.  My heart hurts because of a few people, but I got this great epiphany about forgiveness.  I don’t want to forgive people, naturally, but I cannot stay alive without doing so.  Unforgiveness decays me  from within and no one suffers more from it than myself.  I’m tired of being sad and pitiable about what I have control over healing.  It takes so much effort to begrudge people and I just want to be happy and free.  Mercy is forgiveness.

I worked on the annulment application even more this week.  I worked a little today, but I was too unemotional to focus on it and I didn’t like the tone I was writing in, so I quietly saved it and will come back.  About 10 more pages to go before the draft is done.  I have to find documents and I’m lacking energy for it.  I pray evermore for the words from the Holy Spirit and for guidance.


Written by Written Straw

March 7, 2010 at 8:57 pm

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